Seriously, Mattie Caldwell is so damn old, she has no idea just how old she actually is.
Although Medicare records show she was born in 1901, a family Bible claims she was born three years prior.
Mattie doesn’t seem to care.
Well I guess not. When you’re that old, what does it matter?
Anyway, Mattie is a great-great-great-great grandmother to no less than seven (she gave up counting grandchildren as well) and she seems to be an avid dancer, although she uses a wheelchair.
Bless her.
Probably the most important thing to happen in your lifetime…
No Doubt is going on tour again after a five year hiatus.
Oh, that’s not even all of it.
Restrictions apply, but the majority of ticket buyers will be able to download the band’s entire discography.
Oh, em, gee.
Gwen and the boys will be hitting the road, and soon. Quick get your tix before they’re all gone, or worse, all on ebay for quadriple the dolla-dolla-billz.
Toldja this was the most important thing…
Preggers?
Jessica Simpson too?!
Ah yes, according to In Touch Weekly, Jessica Simpson can blame her recent extra pudge on a little fertilization.
Well how fun! We need a couple more dumb blondes running about the country, now don’t we?
Well, Hell. If she can pass down that hair, we could use that in the genetic pool.
Hopefully she has fourteen of them bayboos, all with her famous locks.
You think, just maybe, her hair is more talented than her voice?
Us+1!
…And ready to wed?
Ahem?
Our girl has changed wayyyy too much since she met that sexy-pants, Joel.
We liked her better when she was partying and playing and kinda, like, in the spotlight.
Okay, so we’re being selfish. Nicole probably is healthier and happier and all that blessed whatnot. She sure as all hell looka better.
According to In Touch Weekly, Nicole is preggers with baby numero twa and is now ready to take the plunge into holy matrimony.
Well, we’re waiting to spot the mother-gigantic ring that Joel Madden will place on her finger.
Until then…
Bold News 